Alone

Dying inside without making a sound

Searching for love that cannot be found

Thoughts go in circles, circling the drain

Smile on my face so you don't see my pain

The invisible heart that no one can see

I'm starting to ask myself "What's wrong with me?

Is it so much to ask for? Does anyone care?

If I open the door will someone be there?"

I try to go on with life's day-to-day

I tell them I'm happy, I'm good, I'm ok. 

But nothing fills the emptiness inside

There's cracks in my armour I simply cant hide

So alone with my thoughts I sit here and cry

While little bits of my heart break and die

Then I pick myself up and wipe off the tears

And close up my heart to keep out my fears. 

       -by Rebecca Cheong

         13th September 2013

Goodbye Is Never Easy

Such a simple word
To cause my heart such fear,
One I never like to say
And never like to hear.

Goodbye is never easy,
It's the closing of a door.
Like the end of a favorite story -
When sadly there's no more.

And we cling on to our memories,
But the mind's a fickle thing.
And it gets harder to hold onto them,
To recall the joys they bring.

As each today becomes a yesterday
Distance and years can't mend,
Time apart will consume the heart,
The relationship, the friend.

Not by choice or act of will -
We are standing in life's river,
And as the current rushes past us
That part is gone forever.

To walk forwards is a frightful thing
As the path is yet unknown,
But to stand still and not move at all
Is to spend your life alone.

So you see Goodbye is necessary
Though we may wish that it were not.
We can't be afraid of letting go
'Lest I be forgot'.

Fore the forest needs the fire-
To give the seed a chance to grow,
Like a phoenix from the ashes,
Or Spring-time after the snow.

It's the pattern in the tapestry
That is revealed as time goes on.
You will meet new people, see new places,
And do things you've never done.

So goodbye my friend you will be missed!
But if by chance it's not the end,
And fate should smile on us in another time and place
May our paths cross once again!

(By R. Cheong
5th October 2011)

When I am down and oh, my soul so weary...

"No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial He will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it."
(1Cor. 10:13)

Oh Lord I am humbled! Our trials, but the trials you endured were inhumane. Your Word gives me strength and reassurance. When my day has been dark, it is the light that shines, reminding me that whatever is will pass and You are what is to come. Amen!

Heaven's Hall

Where is that place we all seek
In a lovers heart, a poets sleep,
Between dreams or just simply from
The soft caress of a mother's lips.

In this world we spent our lives-
Who will weep when the ocean dies?
One breath marks the passing by
Of a time that said goodbye.

Where is that place where angels fly,
Where stars littered the blackened sky?
Within my reach Jupiter lies-
I touched him with my angel eyes...

So I seek and so shall find
I rode the stars in my dreams last night
Flew in a time of no goodbyes
Who is to say it's all a lie?

And I went where lovers soar
I reached out, opened the poet's door
Opened my heart and answered the call
And now I stand in Heaven's Hall.

The Mask...

I don't know where I'm going
You don't know where I've been
Can't tell what the future's holding
I'm not as brave as I seem

I only feel like running
But I'm frozen in this place
Please don't remove my mask
The truth is hard to face

People think I am strong
Why can't they see the act
Once damaged can't be sold
Its courage that I lack

Sometimes I feel like crying
So numbness becomes my friend
In time I forget how I once was
And it becomes me in the end...

Feeling much better about things. It's rarely a nice feeling when a friend presents you with a "mirror" but sometimes necessary and only a good friend will do that... And honestly this reflection is something I need. It reminds me that what goes up can always come down but the opposite isn't true and to stay up requires constant energy.
It's definitely time to get my butt off the floor. *sigh!*
It's like the story of the little puffer train that my mum would tell me bout: in order to make it up the big hill he's gotta keep telling himself "I can do it, I can do it, I can do it..."

Thank you! to my great friends who believe in me :)

Alternating between confused and home-sick...

I feel like I've forgotten what feeling loved feels like.

"It's complicated" seems to be the main theme running in my life right now and I just want to retreat into my shell and stop thinking about everything.

How is it that my life has gotten to the stage where a hug is being drowned in the pool; my supervisor is my closest friend coz we share a love of frozen yogurt; I'm buying flat shoes; family time is the five mins between getting home and getting ready to sleep; a prayer is hoping I didnt just miss my bus and eye contact needs a mental reminer...?

Quality living --> ain't it grand! :-/

I just want you to know who I am...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am


I just want you to know who I am...

Crystal Chalice

The sound of distant laughter
Once familiar - now unknown
Love that was had but since is lost
Feeling utterly alone

A voice whispers in the dark
Despair is pushed away
A silent prayer offered up
A life exchanged this day

A single flame in the dark
Come to life once more
The crystal chalice shatters -
Diamonds on the floor

Reflections in the broken glass
Like thoughts half remembered
No longer hiding from the past
And those who've been offended

A drop of blood from crystal shards
A vessel for the soul?
Now shattered, broken on the ground
Will never again be whole

Then swept away the shards are cleared
Reality is shifted
Not a cup bit cage of glass
The crystal prison lifted

A new vessel - Spirit forms
Making the soul it's home
Stronger than crystal - never to break
And never to be alone

~*~

By Rebecca Cheong
(written 2010)

Rushing

Sitting at the bus stop,
Cars pass me in a rush,
An endless stream of people,
While I'm waiting for the bus.

Where are they coming from?
Where do they go?
Are they happy with their lives?
I'd really like to know!

All day, every day,
Moving all the time
As I sit here motionless
Lives rush past mine.

"Gotta go!" "Cant be late!"
"Beat that traffic light!"
Appearing from around the bend,
Then speeding out of sight.

It really must be tiring,
Rushing every day.
Have a break, chill out a bit
"Take the bus" I say.

They wouldn't have the time to hear,
Too worried they'd be late-
With people to see and places to go,
Ruled by deadlines and dates.

And so I sit and wonder
That rushing must be hell...
But my bus is here, I gotta rush
Or I'll be late as well.

















By Rebecca Cheong (4/2/2010)

Great Expectations

If you find yourself disappointed with others,
likelihood is you're expecting too much of them.

If you find yourself disappointed with yourself,
likelihood is you're not expecting enough...


Strange isn’t it? This is something which came to me tonight as I came home to a completely empty house (even the maids had gone out for a walk with our dogs). I figured that everyone would be home soon for the lovely looking/smelling spread of food sitting on the table so I went upstairs to my room to check FB and email and such… after an hour I come down stairs to find out where everyone was only to be told (by a very upset maid) that the family had decided to eat out (yes, after telling her that she should cook dinner…)

So there I found myself eating dinner alone feeling disappointed in my family on behalf of my maid and on behalf of myself. Usually it wouldn’t have bothered me as much (usually it wouldn’t have happened) but as my brother and his family is over for a short visit from Australia I was quite put out to have been left behind. And as my brother is a head chef at an exclusive restaurant my dear maid was feeling very put out after stressing over a meal that she was sure wouldn’t be good enough for him.

Then it happened (as it usually does when you having a peaceful shower and completely not expecting it) A little voice asked me… “Why are you disappointed? Who are you to be upset? Why do you expect so much?”
It was about then that I realised how selfish my thought had been… And I was faced with two reflections - one of the person I was becoming versus the person I could choose to be and the little voice reminded me that all I had to do was change my expectations – expect less of others and more of myself… Before you try changing someone else you should, first, always try to change yourself.

So here’s to stepping into the better reflection.
In the words of the late MJ:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.

The Secret Life of Plants

Ever wonder how boring life must be for a plant? Suck in the same place with the same view day after day... Well not for this little adventurer who calls home the window ledge of the upper story of a 132 double-decker bus. He was my unexpected companion on my way to work. I'm truly inspired to take the hand that one is dealt and make the most of a situation.

Graphiti Art in KL

Outside the church in KL i didn't expect to see this. It was a touching sight.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry but I'm just not ready. This has all been too fast for me. I need time and space. I'm not ready to be in this relationship.
I know your serious about your feelings ~ I dont want you to be hurt.

Focus!!!

Something I try very hard to do but no matter how hard I try...

... Curriculum writing is still boring and time consuming --> ie. WORK

But it has to be done all the same, regardless of how i feel so:

1. I will not watch youtube

2. I will not chat unnessasarily on skype or msn

3. I will not make overseas calls to my best friend

4. I will not go play with the puppies

5. I will not get sucked into watching Chinese soap operas with complicated love triangles

6. I will not look for jokes and interesting things to put on my band's webpage to entertain them

7. I will not watch the movie I just downloaded

8. I will not meet up with friends for coffee

9. I will not check my various online profiles

10. I will not blog

.... Opps